Finding my feet with my life as a working Mum.

Hello again, and hello to my new followers. Thanks for taking the time to follow. As you may have noted after my spell of maternity leave, I am back to work and getting into the hang of the working environment once more. Its a challenging and tough time for myself, a time of having to let go and allow time away from my baby. A time that doesn’t always come easy but I know is for a good and worthy cause and a better future as a family.

 

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It was always known I’d return to work following my maternity leave, financial ties and finding a balance for myself was all too important to justify staying home to care for Eleanor full time. I’d miss my work and the pleasure which it brings. With that in mind, while back at work, I miss my baby and have elements of guilt when I have to wave goodbye to her every other morning. It’s hard for me to walk out the door and be without her. It’s as though a limb has been missing and my hearts been stabbed. I miss her dearly.

Anyway, with that said, I must work to provide the lifestyle and the family that I want. Without work I’d be unable to have great days off with my baby and go out for coffee trips, shopping hauls and the rest of it. Holidays would be non existant and the quality of life would be sufficiently worse. So here I am, working part time as best as I can to create a life that’s worth living as a family and to aim to progress. I’ll give you an update of how I am getting on back at work as after all, this is what this post topic is set around.

I began back on the 6th of June,i felt calm and held myself together well. I was ready to return to the post I once knew so well. Of course there were elements of anxiety.. would I still know how to do my job? Did I still hold my locker key at hand? You know, little things that you can totally blow out of proportion and turn to big problems in your head? but rest assured, I got up, I got on and I completed my first day back at with. No blips, no tears, I just stuck my head down and allowed myseld to be at peace and familiarise with the environment once more.

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Now having been back for some weeks I can say I am happy with my part time hours, working three days per week. The balance is pretty great and I’d struggle to find such a good weekly routine elsewhere. I really enjoy the work that I do and am committed to my career so it’s great to be back to it and back to a happy environment.

Eleanor is in great hands and has had no complaints as of yet, she’s been such a little gem and I couldn’t be any more proud of how far she has come and adapted. My baby girl isn’t such a little baby anymore. She is becoming fiercely independent and bold within herself. It makes me so happy to be playing the role of her Mother. My best friend really is the best little girl ill ever know and I’ll forever aim to work as hard as I can to allow us to have a family life that is fun, that is loving and full of happy memories.

I do of course miss my baby each day I’m at work but I try to keep busy, pass time and not give her too much thought, as otherwise I’d be out the door and on my way back home to her. On our days off, we make sure to get out and enjoy the day. We head to the play park, go for coffee trips and trips to the book store. We play, we read and we nap together. I ensure that my baby has the best days with myself and that I give her my all and full attention, and love when I’m with her.

It’s so important to interact with Eleanor and we really get on great in each others company. She brings out my best, I can be silly and I can crawl around the floor with her, I can dance all crazy and sing as bad as I want. She loves it all and her love that she shows from the attention I give her makes me realise there are no limits to the attention she requires and I’ll pull out all the stops to ensure she can go to sleep with a wee smile, happy thoughts and has a childhood that’s worth remembering.

I want her to know that her Mum and Dad worked endlessly hard and tough to raise her to be strong and independent and to give her a life that shows what living is. I want her to know just how important family is and family time is the best time, I want her to learn good habits and traits from myself and her dad and to learn about a healthy work ethic too. I don’t ever tell my baby that I dislike work or don’t want to go as I want her to see work as a good time apart and know that Mum and Dad do return after a days work or some time away. It’s perfectly healthy to be away from your baby for some time to do your thing providing your baby is in safe hands and being cared for effectively.

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own person as well as a Mother and that I have to take control and do things for myself once more. I have learned that I don’t have to feel guilty of I’m not with my baby at all times and I have become more comfortable with getting out alone once again. My independence is making a return and I feel so refreshed and ready to be the best Mum I can be after a little break.

Keren x

Sunday at Scolty.

Not such a bright and sunny morning though sure to make the most of it, Sunday moring and we woke early, got ready and headed out to Banchory for a trek up Scolty hill. How come it is never the weather you want when you make plans? Typical Scottish Summer.

Fern and Eleanor were in tow, we got all loaded in the car and hit the road around 930AM, set for the day. I’m back at work now so family time is even more important. Keeping active and being outdoors is something we can all enjoy and allows Fern to have a good run. It makes sense to get out and have some scenic walks.

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I’ll keep this post short and to the point. We hiked up Scolty taking around two hours with one stop mid way up the hill to feed Eleanor and take a breather. Euan was carrying her on his back so it takes toll on the shoulders an extra 7kg, believe it or not. Yep, our baby is not such a wee baby any more.

We made it to the top without much fuss, other than slight grumping from Eleanor as she was hungry and Teething.. not a great combination, I’m sure every parent out there will know. Fern loved the walk and all the scents, she was bounding around the fields and scrambling around. I couldn’t keep up, my stamina just doesn’t match a Springer Spaniel.

The nature was lovely, there was so much to see and take in. The plants, the flowers, so much colour even on a dull day. I really do love the outdoors, fresh air is the best medicine,good views are an added bonus.

Once at the top, we didn’t hang about as Eleanor was a bit restless by this point so we headed back down the hill and the rocky steps making animal noises and all sorts of crazy talk to entertain and distract Eleanor which kept the tears at bay. Who knew a simple ‘neigh’ could bring so much joy?

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Back at the car, I gave Eleanor a small feed to satisfy her and we headed back home. A busy morning but a great way to spend a Sunday. A dose of fresh air and spectacular views to take in with the family is quite special.

Off to make a vegetarian moussakka and enjoy the afternoon with my gruesome twosome. I’m sure we will find some chaos along the way. Hope you enjoy my images from our walk.

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Happy Sunday.

Such a perfect day.

In the words of Lou Reed “it’s such a perfect day”

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Sunday, glorious sunshine, family and good food. Yes, today has been pretty perfect, or as close to it as you can get and I don’t want it to end. You know the type of day? I’m in a state of bliss and sheer happiness, I feel comfortable and at ease and I feel happy.

I’ll begin with a run though of the day, we woke at around 730AM, Eleanor doesn’t really give much option for a lie in. Up, fed and dressed, ready to roll. We got the bags together and jumped in the car to the local park, ready to explore and enjoy a dose of vitamin D.

Behind Duthie Park there is an old rail line, the Deeside rail that you can use as a walking path which takes you right through to Banchory and makes for a lovely walk on a nice day. Full of blooms, shrubs and people out on family days, cycles, dog walks. It really is very beautiful, especially when the sun is shining and there is a bit of hustle going on.

 

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With Eleanor tucked in the Pram and Fern on the lead we were good to go. We didn’t walk the whole distance as with a dog and a hungry baby that may have taken the whole day. We got out past Aberdeen though before turning back around and heading home for lunch. It was lovely just to walk, to talk and be in total sync with one another. I was sure to get some sunny snaps whilst we were at it. If you didn’t take a picture, did it actually happen? I’m all for photographs and making memories.

After we returned home and gave Eleanor lunch we done a wee drive up to my Mums as she was caring for Eleanor for the afternoon while we had a little date day, a trip to pizza express. A late Sunday lunch of pizza and rose wine, could it get better? It’s so important to have some down time as a couple when you become parents. So often your time is focused on baby and rightly so, but you do need to take time to care for one another too and enjoy time not being parents for five minutes.

A short but sweet trip and I must say, I left a little tipsy after my glass of wine. Tipsy, on a Sunday afternoon, can you believe it?? Wild. We walked back home by the river holding hands and feeling merry and returned to Mums to collect Eleanor and have a news with the family. I love family time and spending time up at my Mum’s (she has the good snacks).

Getting ready to head off home once again for the last leg of the day, my Mum gifted us with a care package. Biscuits, Tinned foods, Yogurt and whatever else you can imagine. You know, the good stuff that Mum’s tend to buy. A sweet gesture and a lovely wee hamper (carrier bag), that will keep us going a whole while I’m sure.

Now, I always tell my Mum that we don’t need nor want anything and she never takes a telling. Always picking up bits and bobs for us. The most generous and kind lady I have ever known. We have an inside joke that every time I go up to Mums, I leave with an extra bag. It’s true.

Back home, we sat down to a bowl of snacks and some juice and finished off the season of 13 reasons why, a show we began to watch on Netflix a few weeks back. After ending the season, it was time to head off for a big sleep after a busy, busy day. I went to sleep wishing that the day could go on forever, I was in a state of bliss.

Sunshine, good company and good food, they all make for the best of days and the greatest memories. These are the kind of day that I cherish and look back on with nothing but joy. Some times, all it takes is one day, one moment to change your mood, your views and perspectives. On this day, I’ve learnt that life really is beautiful and there is beauty everywhere, in everything, and everyone. My mood has been uplifted and for the past few months I’ve been feeling more calm, more comforted and generally grateful for everything and everyone that I have in my life.

 

Keren x

 

For Heavens scent: The five scents I’m wearing right now.

A little out of my usual blogging style, I’ve branched out and went for a little light reading to share. I hope you don’t mind, taking a little break from baby talk and parenting woes right now. Why? Well, because things are good and I don’t want to risk jinxing that and suffering a bad night of teething pains. I’ve come to like sleep.

To keep it light and easy to read, I’ve decided to share my five favourite scents right now, the go to perfumes I use daily and the perfumes which I hold close for a special occasion, using only on a big day. Here goes, I hope you enjoy.  First up on the list..

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Miu Miu:

Gifted by Euan on his trip from Malaysia, it holds a special place in my heart. My weekend scent, a little spicy and brings a sense of night fever with it. A scent that would suit a fancy restaurant, a classy establishment, a scent I wear to go a walk with the dog on a Sunday (fancy doesn’t work for me). Regardless of how and when you wear it, it’s a sexy and spicy scent that stays put. A wee scoosj and you are good to go from morning to night. I love it.

Chanel No. 5 :

This needs no introduction, a cult classic that has been worn through the ages and screams femininity. I find this smell romantic and I like the scent it leaves behind in your skin at the end of a busy day. Faint but powerful,it never brings a bad day. I use this for special occasions, birthdays, Christmas, family events.

Some days, If I feel a little flirty, event or not, I’ll give myself a wee spray, throw on a pretty dress and suddenly I’m Marlyin Monroe.

La Vie Est La Belle

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Ah Lancome, always deliver a beautiful scent. Girly, sweet and oh so floral. Always a treat and my daily go to. I love this scent, I’m on my second bottle, close to beginning a third. I find this smell just reminds me of a candy shop, sweet and strong. It hits you right away and leaves a lasting impression through the day. A scent that makes me happy.

With a bottle almost as sweet as the smell, it’s hard not to resist. Next time you pass the perfume counter, I dare you to take a sniff. You won’t be disappointed and may leave with a lighter purse.

Stella McCartney:

POP by Stella is absolutely delightful. I was gifted this by my Mother for Christmas and adore it. Each year, Mum gets my sister and I to choose a perfume for Christmas, 2017 I chose POP.

Sweet, feminine and simply delicious, it really is good enough to eat. I dabble with this from day to day, I like to use a few scooshes a time as it’s just so yummy. The smell is light and floaty but stays put for the whole day. Even when faded it still smells lovely. A light and delightful scent for those Summer days exploring in the sunshine.

The bottle is also quite funky and the campaign for this was full of all things pretty and pink. Really glad that I got on board with the brand and gave POP a whirl. It unleashes my girly side each time I wear it.

Marc Jacobs:

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Twinkle – one of the latest editions of the daisy brand that Jacobs have been committed to for years. I am avid fan of the whole range and have been through more Daisy than I can remember.

Working through the new and improved Dasiy for years, the Summer editions and the limited editions. I think that my love of High fashion perfume began with a variation of Daisy and I’m sure I’ve lost more pay cheques than I’d care to admit to the perfume counter in Debenhams.

Anyway, this one is special and still boxed. It will remain so until my Wedding day as its so special to me. The purple bottle immediately caught my eye and from the first test smell I was, I am, hooked. Exactly like childhood sweets, parmaviolets. This sent is both nostalgic and delicious, I seriously can’t get enough.

I had thought my Daisy days were over but here we are, Marc Jacobs have done it again and caught my breath with the delicious smells they create. My Wedding day can’t come soon enough, I will walk down the aisle of the registrant feeling like a wee dream with this smell glued to my skin. A keeper and a go to for years to come. Thank you Marc.

Do you have a favourite scent? A smell that takes your mood to an instant high? I hope you enjoyed this wee read, I thought that a little light reading mixed in with all the heavy stuff and the emotional issues can be a breath of fresh air. Don’t you think?

Keren x

Cinebabies.

What is there to do on Saturday morning with a baby? Well, turns out, a lot. For example, a trip to the cinema for a baby friendly screening. On this occasion to see the Star Wars, Han Solo installment.

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Yep, you read that correct. My nine month old had her first trip to the cinema at 10AM this morning (I’m amazed we made it). I think the selling part may have been the popcorn for Euan. As both avid cinema fans, when we heard that a baby screening was to be going ahead, we booked up right away. If we can holiday with a baby, surely we can go to watch a movie? Brilliant.

There was a whole bunch of excitement, firstly to catch the next Star Wars and secondly, to take Eleanor along with us and experience the big screen first hand. We got up and sorted, had breakfast and headed out on a sunny walk to the cinema. I grabbed a coffee for the road of couse, fuel as I like to call it these days. Without coffee, I’m nothing. Good old cuppa Joe.

Not over sure how the experience would be, I fully expected to be upping and leaving soon after entering the screen. I was fully equipped for a disaster of sorts, prepared the baby bag with snacks and a spare change (you never know). As a new Mum, I find I do often over plan and over think, I worry and I stress over every situation. Big or small..I’m working on it.

The cinema was full helpful and friendly staff, there was a Pram drop off point and we were reassured that breastfeeding is okay and that the atmosphere was relaxed. Almost too relaxed, at one stage I was near asleep. There were several families and young babies.

I won’t lie about how much of the movie I did or didn’t see, but I can say that I got to at least sit down and watch the screen for the full movie duration, something which doesn’t often happen at home. It was nice to feel comfortable and at home on a trip out, this is something that can often be stressful on any given day with a young baby. I felt totally at ease at the cinema and had a joyful experience. All three of us did.

The Han Solo movie is probably my favourite of the Star Wars bunch to date. I watched it happily and even found room for a little laughter here and there, I missed the start due to tending to Eleanor but it wasn’t too big a deal and caught up easily a short while later. The babies were better behaved that any regular screen and there were little interruptions. Some babies were roaming around with parents, some sat on the floor and played and some much alike Eleanor, fell asleep on parents laps.

The atmosphere was very much chilled out, you wouldn’t ever imagine a cinema screen full of babies as calm, huh? Oddly, it was super chilled out and the relaxed feel made you feel at home and at ease. There was no pressure and as a parent, it was nice to get some time back in a day to enjoy a past time of ours with our baby.

I hope to return again soon for another cinema experience with the baby club. I’ll ensure Euan keeps a tab on what’s coming out and when there will be showings. Prior to Eleanor’s arrival, we spent much time at the cinema and I’m keen to enjoy family days out to see a movie, a good bonding experience and the cinema snacks are always welcome at any time of day for that matter. Early morning ice cream? Why not?

Have a lovely weekend, I’m off to enjoy some sun and family time. Winding down before my return to work. Stuck for things to do with a baby? Need to get out? Check your local cinema for baby screenings. I can happily say the experience was great and I will be returning.

 

Keren x

 

Hey! I think I’m getting into this whole Motherhood thing.

Let’s get this straight, in honesty, I’ve always been into this Motherhood thing, from the night that I realised I was pregnant. I stopped smoking, stopped any alcohol consumption and lived on mounds of fruit, veg and vitamins. I very quickly took on the responsibility of parenthood and gave up what was no longer advised. Since becoming a Mother, I’ve shared my struggles and the darker days with you all. I won’t lie, it’s been tough.

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I wasn’t ready to become a Mother and had no intention to start a family any time soon, however, it happened and from the moment that I came to terms with this, my family has become my only priority. Now, I wouldn’t have a day go by without Eleanor by my side and its hard to remember a time when she wasn’t around. My little snugs, my ray of sunshine and my whole life. My baby has brought so much love and so much joy, I’d be lost without her.

The adaption from a family of two to three, the sleepless nights, the constant nursing, the balance.. If there is one? I’ve fought many battles in such a short time and I finally, nine months on can say I’m feeling content and happy. I’m at my most content since pregnancy, I can praise myself and recognise my strengths. My outlook and passion for life is looking up and life is good. Hurruah!

I’ve just a few weeks before my return to work, I’ll be going part time and working a three day week. This takes some anxiety off as I will still have days with my baby and can still treasure all those little moments. I have finally started to really enjoy my time off from work, I have a good routine going with my girl and we have the whole days planned out, it seems to work a treat and keeps everyone happy. Happy baby happy Mum, right?

It has taken nine months to establish any set routine, I’ve finally got it and I’m getting some time for myself back in a day. Of course that’s not what Motherhood is all about, it’s about time with baby, and raising a child, but If I get just half an hour to myself, a short break, I feel refreshed and relaxed, ready to be with my baby and give her my whole attention. I can be the best that I am and it feels good to be getting a little balance at long last.

Eleanor has dropped to around three feeds a day, as an EBF baby, I thought this would never happen, I believed she would breastfeed until she was into adulthood, it was testing and draining but now, I cherish those feeds daily as I know each feed is drawing closer to her last. There will come a time when she no longer feeds and that bond will be over, this upsets me but also empowers me.

I’ve fed my baby girl since birth all on my own, I’ve nourished and nurtured her, doing the best job that I can. Feeding day and night some days and without much time to care for myself. It has been a privilege and it will be an accomplishment that I will remain proud of for my life.I have had the time to reflect and realise that I’ve done the best that I can and that will always be good enough. Yes it was tough but you know what? It was great and I’d do it over and over. The exact same way.

I have began to relax and appreciate my way of mothering my child. I am now content with the decisions that I make daily and I feel as though I over come challenges as best as I can. I no longer get upset over things I can’t control and I no longer obsess over the mess. Fiona from across the street doesn’t care if the floors haven’t been steamed and nor I should. The mess can wait, my baby and family time cannot.

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I no longer feel the need to beat myself up about something that hasn’t gone as planned. Eleanor hasn’t ate much dinner, Eleanor has been in a wet nappy for too long, missed her bath, Eleanor has skipped a nap.. no longer bothers me. For now, I just make do with the daily cards I’m dealt and deal with it. Have I played enough today, read enough, danced enough?

Sure, I’ll always question if I have done enough or if I could have done better,i think all parents must. Has she had enough nutrition today? Have I fed her well enough? The questions always plague my mind and the insecurity will always creep in. My abilities are questioned daily, but I’m the only one that is questioning myself. I put the pressure on myself, something which I am working to ease off on. Something which I am beginning to ease off on. I’m becoming at peace.

I realise that in that moment, each day, I do the best I can. My best will always be good enough. I’ve beat myself up too much and made enemies with my mind, questioned my abilities for months. I’m taking control and will enjoy Motherhood and enjoy giving myself that pat on the back because you know what? I do good and it is okay to recognise and self appreciate from time to time.

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Motherhood is messy, it is Challenging and some days, some circumstances are out with control, I’ve figured that rather than dwell on what I can’t change, or get upset with circumstances outwith my control, I take it in stride and move on. For the most part at least. As long as my baby is happy and healthy, not much else matters on the grand scheme of things. I can sit down in an evening and enjoy that glass of wine, or that biscuit and know that I’ve done good and that my baby is happy. What else matters?

I feel relaxed about going back to work, it’s a necessity and I’m okay with that. Sure, if I could, I’d spend all my time with Eleanor and work from home, doing something creative and wholesome, however, I don’t have that luxury and I need to make some money so we can enjoy days off and trips out all the more.

I no longer punish myself for the bad days and I no longer sit inside waiting for a good day to come. I get up, get out and have the best day every day, something which I believe a positive mindset and care free outlook can and does make possible. To any new parent out there who feels alone, or who feels stuck in a bit of a daily rut I would say soak it all in and appreciate every single day for all that it is, just know you are the best you can be and if your baby if fed, dressed and loved, little else matters. It’s taken me nine months to realise this and relax but now that I have, I know there is nothing to worry about and no reason to cry. I’m going to enjoy knowing I work hard each day and I am going to enjoy a glass of wine this Tuesday evening as a thank you to myself, to my body.

Here is to being a parent, self appreciation and working bloody hard each and every day. My baby is happy and healthy, my heart is full and my family is my world. Thank you Motherhood for teaching me to be grateful, to be thankful, each and every day.

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Keren x

 

Living our best life. My baby and I.

Maternity leave is drawing to an end and the Summer months are upon us. Hello sunny spells and warmer days! With both of these factors in mind, I’ve been determined to make the most of the last few weeks alone with Eleanor, full time. I’ll return to work on a tgelree day week, so this still leaves us time together but I’m aware it will never be the same.

Eager to spend as much time together and work on her development, we have been living our best life. 8AM and we are up, fed and out. Straight to the park most mornings for a play on the swing and then we go off on a bug adventure. Living in Scotland, there’s not alenough opportunities to get out in the sun so I’ve been taking advantage and just getting up and out. Straight to it, Eleanor adores the outdoors and the play park. We have been laying on the grass, swinging and even having a turn on the big slide.. I held her all the way down. Don’t worry.

I caught some photographs of our time at the play park, on the swings and Eleanor just looks in pure bliss. Sheer innocence and joy from my baby girl. Take a look, she is fast becoming such a happy and bright little girl. I can’t believe how fast my baby is growing up right before my eyes. Blink and you miss it asp they say.

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Just look at that wee face, her little teeth poking through, rosy cheeks and the sun in our face. Lush.

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I’m slowly conditioning myself back to a working schedule and trying to regain a balance that isn’t just all about baby. I’m trying to adapt with the thought of not having Eleanor with me daily and the fact that she is growing up just too quickly. My baby is becoming a little girl and I am almost ready to hang up my duty as full time Mum. Of course, Mothering my baby will always be a full time job but I have to make space in my life to get back to my day job and earn some money once again to make days off Eleanor all the more enjoyable. Ice cream trips, soft play zones and trips to the farm are calling us. We love the outdoors, and we will just have to make the most of each day we have.

For now, I’m handing the ropes over to Grandma, who will care for Eleanor initially when I make my return to work. I can’t express just how jealous I am that my Mother will get to enjoy Eleanor while I enjoy the work place.. Or try to. I don’t think there will be a time where my focus will not be on my baby and my family.

My life has been turned upside down by this tiny little soul and I couldn’t be happier about it. I love her with everything and now, everything that I do will be focused around her and family life. There’s no time for selfishness nor thoughtlessness in my life, I’m all about being the best Mother for my baby.

Here’s to the maternity leave. It’s been tough, it’s been challenging and raw but most of all, it’s been unforgettable and I’d do it all over. The exact same. My heart has grown incredibly.