Living in a modern day society deprived of fulfilling basic manners.

  Manners are designed to acknowledge others but all too often I feel that we are failing to use our manners. We are too consumed with technology and caught up with ourselves. People have bumped into me and have not muttered a word, no apology.

I’ve had doors closed on my face, people queue jump a lift as I wait in line with my baby in her Pram, people fail to step out from a lift to allow me to pass. They stand and watch with judgement as I try to manoeuvre myself and the Pram out, desperate not to squish any toes. Though, if I happened to roll on any toes by accident,  of course it would be my fault and the blame be pinned on me, not the individual who lacked basic manners and failed to move out of the way.

We as people are now failing to say please and thank you when ordering their morning latte. Basic manners have slipped our minds. This is becoming an increasingly big issue and I worry that come time, there will be no sense of manners. Society will become a free for all and not one of us will look out for the other. Is this the way we want to raise our children? The next generation?

We as people, are failing to respect one another and respond appropriately to a small act of kindness, such as making room on the pavement for another to pass. Is it so difficult to say please, thank you, sorry? I was raised to have good manners and to use these at all times. To be kind,to have compassion and to help others in need. I never saw differently and like to believe that I always treat others respectfully, the way I would like to be treated. I find myself often disappointed at the lack of morals I share with others in our society. Perhaps I expect too much but believe me when I say that modern day manners are lacking in society.

On a recent walk during a Saturday afternoon with our dog,  we found a woman passed out beneath a park bench resting next to a river. Clearly intoxicated and in a bad way, we stopped to help and call for an ambulance. I don’t know how long she had been sprawled on the ground prior and have no indication of how she got there. I was afraid that she would tumble into the water and there would be no going back. As we were waiting for an ambulance to arrive, it became clear that we were the only people along a busy road to have the decency and sense to stop. That no other would bother. Not one person stopped to offer a hand. Heavily pregnant and with our dog in tow, we waited around an hour for help to arrive and watched in astonishment as passers by merely stared. With passing cars and pedestrians you would think that someone, even just one individual would stop and offer a hand. Again, I must have expected too much.

When help arrived, we were shunned and made to feel as though we shouldn’t have bothered to call for help. The ambulance crew did not mutter such as a thank you and the woman in need did not show a care in the world. I felt ashamed and was upset with this, we were made to feel as though we were wrong to have called for help. Had we not, would someone else have bothered, or would the woman have been left outside in the cold to perish?

Perhaps we are all losing our manners because our acts of kindness go unnoticed and seem unwanted. Why should we bother to help others, to say please and thank you if this is not well received?

Wether people were too embarrassed or afraid to stop or wether they simply could not be bothered, I don’t know. What I do know is that this woman could have came to find herself in a very bad way or even had died if left alone and not one person took the time to even just ask wether she was okay or offer a hand. Hypothermia, choking, drowning. The possibility of a life threatening issue arising was high and I didn’t want to take any chances.

I’d hate to imagine that was my gran who had taken a fall and was left to lay on the ground alone until someone could be bothered to see she were okay. Have we all become too consumed within ourselves and caught up in our own lives that we forget about others and fail to show respect, to show compassion?  Where are our manners?

When you open a door for someone you acknowledge their presence and the need for you both to use the door at the same time. Wether you nod, smile awkwardly or simply say “Thanks”, you return the acknowledgement. Don’t over complicate opening a door for another  with feminism or being a gentlemen, there isn’t any need. This is simply a door that requires opening and it’s rude to shut it in someone’s face. End of.

Have you offered help to an elderly lady across the street? Checked in on your parents, grandparents? These manners are a basic mechanism for those in society who are less able to protect themselves. Manners are not only for communication purposes, manners have the ability to protect others. To protect and care for vulnerable groups within our society. Groups that we are beginning to forget.

Manners are designed to offer fairness, to give each person an equal opportunity. We are taught to wait our turn in the queue, not to interrupt someone who is talking. These simple manners evolved so that everyone is given an equal chance and the opportunity to participate. Manners provide us with an element of fairness, equality and order.

Without manners it would simply be a free for all and who decides who comes first?  What’s to say that one person is more important than the person next to them? There are no barriers without manners. I’m afraid society is becoming more of a free for all and it is every man for himself. It’s a dog eat dog world for sure.

Manners are designed to reduce conflict and without these in place I fear that we will become over run with daily issues, big and small.

Think of all the recent times you have been annoyed at an individual. Maybe while driving your car, out on the weekly shopping trip, or even just walking in a crowded place. I could go on.There is a good chance that you were annoyed because the person who caused you to feel this way had failed to show basic manners. Failing to indicate when heading in a certain direction, failing to move out of your way as you try to squeeze your way through a busy crowd.

Manners should be used to reduce the strain between people in the same way that traffic lights are used to reduce accidents at crossings. With society failing to participate to meet standards, I am afraid that conflict among ourselves is becoming rife and this is a big problem.

Would you rather be treated with respect or treated rudely? People treated with a little respect and dignity are more likely to be positive toward you than if you treated them poorly. I think that this is something we all need to keep in mind and we must remind ourselves of our manners and the part that they play within society.

Next time you order your morning latte, remember to wait your turn in the line and to thank your barista.

Manners can make such a difference and even just having someone hold the door open for me can make my day. I’m going to ensure that my daughter is raised to have strong manners and good morals. She will be raised to grow to become a polite and kind woman, to have compassion and to have the ability to connect with others and offer help if required.

Society may be losing its manners, but I am sure not going to lose mine. These will be inflicted and influenced within my family and our household because I know just how important they can be and how important they can make you feel.

 I will not lose myself and the standards to which I was raised to a society that has become ignorant and thankless.

Let’s again pick ourselves up and raise our modern day standards for the greater good of our society. If we don’t act fast, I am afraid for the future of our generation and the generations that may follow.

 

  Thanks for reading,

 

   Keren x

9 thoughts on “Living in a modern day society deprived of fulfilling basic manners.

  1. Pingback: Another share:  Living in a modern day society deprived of fulfilling basic manners. – truelovebreakingthecycleoffailedrelationships

  2. rhondafriedapn

    Hi Karen, I shared your wonderful message on my site. It’s difficult when we have leadership with a hidden agenda to dismantle our American Society to stay focused on our goal, care and kindness towards one another and mutual respect, as well as internal peace., and a sense of personal meaning. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. camparigirl

    Something happened to me a couple of days ago that gave me pause. In a restaurant with a couple of girlfriends, in an effort to answer a question, I swallowed a morsel of sushi that was clearly too big. It got stuck in my throat and I felt like suffocating. One of my friends pounded my back, then, seeing that it wasn’t working, slid me out of the booth and performed the Heimlich maneuver. The food popped out and I could breathe again. It was only after the shock abated that we realized that not a single person in the restaurant – while busy looking at what was happening – came over to see if we needed help. Not one. How have we become so insulated, just observing from inside our bubbles? Maybe you are right. If we start letting go of the small things – please, thank you, holding a door – the bigger ones vanish too.

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Keren Polland Post author

      Gosh, that is terrible. I can’t believe that in what could have been a life or death situation not one person other than your friends had stopped to help. Too consumed within themselves to reach out and offer a hand. That is crazy and I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you. Thank goodness for good friends! Hope you are well and taking care of yourself. I can’t imagine how stressful that must have been. Thank you for sharing your experience, it only makes me wonder how many others have been victim to a similar situation. Take care x

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  4. A.P.

    It’s not just you, or your having become a mother. People are distinctly unkinder than they were a couple generations past. I think you’re right in that our smartphones have a lot to do with it. I saw on T.V. where a man on a municipal bus in San Francisco pulled out a gun and shot somebody in the back and killed him — and not one person took their eyes off of their smartphones. But I also think that manners are generally not taught in the public schools or in many homes nowadays, as they once were. I will say, however, that when I finally left the Big City and moved to a small rural University town in a much less crowded State, the picture became distinctly brighter. Best of luck to you – you are quite insightful, and duly concerned.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Keren Polland Post author

      It’s crazy how society is so concerned with technology they don’t bat an eye to the surroundings they are in at times. I hope that things can improve and we can look out for one another but you are right, I don’t think that manners are taught the same as they were previously and this has a big role to play too. Thanks for taking the time to share your views and comment. All the best x

      Liked by 1 person

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