So flippin’ good.

Ah, shrove Tuesday, how I love you. Pancake day – a day that I can indulge in my favourite food with no limits or guilt. I have been busy in the kitchen this evening got flipping a batch of American style fluffy pancakes for dinner.

Pancakes with syrup and fruit for myself and pancakes with eggs for Euan. Breakfast for dinner, what more do you want? Below, I will share my recipe and images of my creations for you all to see.

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Think these take your fancy? Get in the kitchen and give it a try, there’s so little to the method and takes no time at all.

Ingredients:

1 egg

1 cup of milk

1 cup of plain flour

Pinch of salt

Two tbsp sugar

Two tsp baking powder

Two tbsp butter

Pinch of cinnamon

Selection of fruit to top

Syrup to dress

 

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Method: Whisk flour, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon and salt. Set aside.

Mix milk with egg and butter (melted) and add to the dry mix. Stir together until a paste has formed.

Heat a large skillet or frying pan with a generous amount of oil, I use coconut oil but any will do. Add two to three spoons of mix at a time and heat until bubble form. Flip and serve warm with a selection of choice toppings.

I prefer to top with syrup, fruit and a drizzle of lemon juice. Enjoy!

Mum guilt; The real deal.

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It’s a funny old thing, you become a parent and all of a sudden you are no longer your own person, you are a Mother, a Father. You lose a sense of identity but gain a whole new realm of responsibility and love that you didn’t even know was capable.

The love for your baby, your child, is like no other. I have not experienced so much love nor emotions prior to the birth of my wee Eleanor. The best and the worst of myself has been put to light and I see the world from a whole new perspective.

I am not as easy going and care free as I once was and the world is now a scary place through the eyes of this over protective parent. I would like to focus this post on something that I have recently began to notice creep up on shopping trips or days out. A feeling that has rised from within and hits like a tonne of bricks ,a feeling that all you Mothers are well aware of.

Mum guilt. No matter what you do, it simply does not feel good enough. It is a losing battle where we are the sole contender.

Guilt, we all feel it, with the exclusion of active sociopaths, add a baby or child to the mix and guilt is suddenly intensified. What exactly is Mum guilt and where does it come from? It has seemed to appear out of the blue for myself and has prevented me from doing the things that I love and taking some time out for myself. Wether that be a half hour shut away to read, getting out for a lone walk or even (god forbid) having a day of pampering.

No matter what my intention lately, I always have a terrible feeling of guilt hang over my head, ready to exploit my mind with shameful thoughts whenever I dare put myself first. I feel that I have lost a sense of freedom and self worth since becoming a Mum, something which is quite hard to adapt to and take control of.

I no longer deem it acceptable to treat myself, not without fear that I should have treated my baby over myself. Do I need this? I ask myself this often. A shopping trip is short lived, and rather than taking items I pick out to the till, I return them to the rack or shelf which I plucked them from. I feel guilty for wasting money on myself no matter the sum. I could have utilised any spenditure on Eleanor rather than myself.

I find myself anxious of time and feeling bad for dragging my baby out just so I can pick up a carton of milk for myself or browse the stores when I could be at home, holding her, giving my undivided attention. I tend to get out but feel panic and pushed for time, I can’t relax for fear that she will want a feed or begin to get uncomfortable and cry.

Crying is perfectly normal for a baby to get attention and I know I have the security that she is always changed and fed before I take her out, I can’t help but feel unsettled at the thought of her crying in public. I always feel that it’s my fault for dragging her out and that I have led her to be unhappy for my own pleasure. Mum guilt.

I no longer indulge in any alcohol or nights out as I feel that my baby could need me at any time when I am apart from her. I just can’t leave her behind knowing that she is my responsibility and could need me at any time. I have reluctantly left her for no more than four hours with my Mother so that Euan and I can catch a screening at the cinema. This has only ever been around four separate occasions, a month apart at least.

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I can’t bring myself to leave her no matter who with or how capable they are. Knowing that Eleanor is so tiny and may need me at any time. I know that my baby is loved and nurtured and with that understanding , I must implicate healthy changes for the benefit of my own health.

I am not just a Mother, I am my own person with interests and needs that I need to fulfill every once in a while. It is important to take time for myself and my own sanity, i owe it to myself to give myself a break without feeling the need to explain and justify my actions.

With that in mind, I am off to the hairdresser next Saturday on a solo outing for a bit of me time and pampering. I am after a fresh dye job and cut, both much needed and long overdue. Oops, blame Motherhood on that one. Free time does not come freely.  A trip to the salon may not seem a big deal to many of you, I’d previously not have thought anything of it either but these days a little time out to spoil myself is a rare occasion.

Following this, we are going to see Stereophonics at the end of the month for a parents night out. How dare we? I’m absolutely looking forward to this and an evening out with my love, I fully plan to make the most of being child free, let my hair down and have fun. I have plans to go all out with a glass of wine in a plastic cup and greasy gig chips.

The last time we went to a gig together was back in July and I was heavily pregnant and spent most of the gig nursing a sore back. This time, I can make a better go at it and not retire early. I got this.

I’m sure that my Mum guilt will be in full swing but im going to really try to get myself into a good mindset and forget Mum duties for the night. It will be time for my partner and I to enjoy. Eleanor will be in capable, loving hands, I just need to let go, chill and live a little. If I can push the Mum guilt aside for even just one night, it will be a milestone itself.

I feel that as Mothers and Fathers, we put so much pressure on ourselves to be the best parents we can be, we get ourselves down when something doesnt go to plan or work out as we had hoped and we hold ourselves responsible for any setbacks, the guilt can be too much to take some days.It’s time to start pushing that unnecessary guilt trips that we love to drive down aside and putting ourselves first once in a while.

Book a pamper day, take yourself out for a coffee, set a date for a night out (and follow plans through) and for God sakes, buy the dress. Life is too short to spend it consumed with guilt, we all deserve a break once in a while.

Parenthood is hard, it is testing, it is wonderful. Let’s not be so hard on ourselves, our babies will still love us after a few hours without our company.

Keren x

Turning twenty five with my family,a smile and a whole lot of positives.  

 A few years back, I’d have never imagined myself to be in the position that I am on this day. October 4th 2017, my birthday.

 Today I turned twenty five. I woke up in a bed with the two love of my life’s and will end the day as I woke, snuggled up with my family. Yep, my own family. A family is something that seemed so out of reach to me just a few short years, yet here we are. To say I am loving life is an understatement. 

 Tired, lacking any personal time and living in a dressing gown, spending most of the day nursing my baby and changing nappies, but so relentlessly happy. 

 I woke up at 3.32am to change Eleanor, changed days from the years where I would be crawling into my bed following a crazy Birthday night out where much wine was consumed and a hangover was inevitable. In fact, to this day, it was five years ago on my Birthday night out that I met Euan. Life works in mysterious ways.  
 A few years back had you asked my goals and future hopes,  I’d not have had an answer. I simply didn’t know. I was pessimistic, lonely and I lacked motivation for anything other than hitting the town and losing myself to a few bottles of wine. A sad reality of my teenage years which followed until my early twenties. A waste. 

 Today, I turned twenty five with nothing but a positive mindset and a whole lot of creativity going on inside. I have a lot of ideas and plans for the future and I keep striving to do better. I finally feel as though I am living the life that was meant for me. From this year, my first year of Motherhood, I hope to achieve several goals:

I wish to keep writing and growing my blog. To channel my creativity through the personal space that I have designed online. My own space that was only just an idea held within an idle mind for several years until I brought it to life – with help and encouragement from Euan when I became pregnant. I finally felt that I had something to say and experience to share. 

I wish for this new found positive outlook and mindset to stay with me, not just for the year but for the long term. To see the good in all things and to work on zoning out negatives and being more of an optimist. I have everything that I have ever wanted, my own family and with that notion I strive to be positive and bright for myself, my family and the life that we share.

 and finally, I must get myself a wedding planner and begin to jot down all those little ideas and details which spring to mind when think about and picture my wedding day. A small affair, a good few years away as we are in no rush,  but I like to be organised. Nothing thrills me more than to be writing lists and ticking items off the never ending to do list. What can be more fun or more creative to a gal than to create the wedding of her dreams on paper and watch as she puts in the time and the working effort to make those ideas from paper come together and live those ideas on our wedding day when the day arrives. 

 It’s been the best Birthday yet, the first Birthday that I have shared with my own family and it sure won’t be the last. Here is to twenty five and for all that it will bring, I hope to do better and achieve more than I ever have or could have imagined. Finally, here is to many more birthday’s that I can share with my family. My loves and my life. 

 Keren x