Tag Archives: emotions

The things I wish my midwife had told me.



Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn’t it? During the course of my pregnancy, I was always so blind sighted by the concept of holding my baby that I didn’t really explore or look into what life might be like post baby and what babies actually do.

We all know how it goes; babies, eat, sleep and poop. I was naive to assume as much and to never have questioned what goes on in between or even during these stages in the day. I didn’t bother to think about what babies do when they are awake, how they act and what can trigger them to act in a particular way. Why does a baby cry?

I feel that I was misled and misinformed by the midwives and ante natal classes. I was only ever told of the positive side to motherhood, breastfeeding and babies. Never the negatives. I was silly to have been so naive and not ask more questions or have done more research into life with a newborn. After all, it is a life changing experience and I wish I paid more attention to this and given post birth some thought. I had wanted my baby so bad that I overlooked some of the most important factors surrounding becoming a first time parent. I had unknowingly set myself up for failure.

There is a lot more to babies than eating, sleeping and pooping. It is not as simple as it can be made to seem and a lot more delicate.

 What happens when all your baby wants is to be held and will not allow to be put down? What happens when your baby is awake all night, crying in discomfort with colic? Nothing that you try to do will help and the crying only intensifies. What then?

21911266_175156759703314_3618031242710089728_n What happens when your baby gains the benefits of breastfeeding but you, as the Mother are left feeling drained and lifeless from hours of cluster or comfort feeding? Breastfeeding is said to help a Mother share a strong bond with baby, however I was not aware nor made aware about issues that develop such as cluster feeding. The whole aspect of bonding is overlooked in my experience and I don’t feel nursing my baby builds a bond, nursing simply intensities how tired I am. I feel like I am not yet a Mother, I am a feeding mechanism with a baby attached to me almost 24/7.


Nobody warned me of the darker side to parenthood or what happens come dark. There is no routine and there will not be for a long time. Why are parents so misinformed about issues such as colic? Why are the benefits of breastfeeding pushed at new mums yet the reality of this nursing method is missed out?

Perhaps it is down to the parents to do their own research pre baby. Perhaps health care professionals should be more open with the reality of life with a newborn and not lead parents into a false pretense. I hadn’t even heard of colic prior to this. I have discovered just how common it can be among newborns and I feel a little upset that something so common does seem to be overlooked and not spoken of during a woman’s pregnancy.

21819793_351033521976984_1886224562660573184_n We are currently involved in a six week baby massage class where we learn routines and techniques to massage Eleanor. An element of the class covers dealing with colic and wind build up, methods to help subside this are taught and seem to be very beneficial and relaxing. It certainly chills Eleanor out but is in no way the answer to her colic nor a long term solution.

I feel that had I been given information about colic or told the disadvantages of breastfeeding I could have prepared myself for the impact each would have and the extent of the toll that such issues can and do take. No new parent wants to be nursing their baby for hours through the night to help soothe the excessive crying, unable to lay their baby down anywhere but right beside them. It is tough. 

We are told by Health care staff that colic is a phase that will pass. When? When will this phase pass? It is so easy to say yet being on the receiving end and dealing with your baby who is clearly in discomfort and struggling is not so easy. It is hard to see her struggle through. I feel so helpless during her episodes of this. Being told it will pass, is simply no use.

Life with a newborn is hard and there is so much more to it than we are led to believe. I often find myself feeling the strain of handling a baby all day both physically and emotionally, especially when she does not like to be put down. You don’t really get a break being a new parent and certainly factors such as colic and comfort feeding add to this. I only hope that come time, colic and the disadvantages of breastfeeding become more spoken of and awareness surrounding both is brought to the attention of new parents.

21690458_1415176985245146_942516790557147136_n I only wish that during my pregnancy I had done my research and asked more questions. Had I had the information which I do now, could I have prevented the colic? Could I have been in a better routine of the sorts? Would I still have chosen to breastfeed? The fact is, it is now too late to wonder what if, II can now only act on the decisions that I had made and deal with each day at a time. I hope that this is just a phase and that the colic and the crying relentlessly will pass, sooner rather than later and I can gain some Independence back.




Eleanor Paisley Ross – Through the lens. Week one.

I have chosen to share some of my favourite photographs of Eleanor in her first week as a newborn. I couldn’t wish for a better baby, what a little gem. Yes, she cries. Yes, I have had sleepless nights but that’s all part of the package and the fun. I couldn’t have wished for a more content baby girl. My little acorn. 

I am completely smitten. 

The first days ♥

Snuggles with Dad ♥

Precious sleepy moments – as rare as they may be! ♥

Approving our engagement (I think) ♥



I can’t wait to document life with my baby girl, my new best friend and share my experiences, joy and photographs on a regular basis. The highs and lows. The good and the bad.

Family life is going to be an adventure,that is for certain.


Preparing for baby; a sea of emotions. A lifetime of exhaustion.



I find my mind ponder over family life. As I sit here around the kitchen table, tired, alone,uncomfortable and a little sore I wonder what is to come next. In my third and final trimester and about to hit the 31 week mark, I can’t help but think about welcoming baby into the world and starting family life at long last.

Thirty weeks down and just a few short weeks to go, I feel so ready yet uncertain to begin a new start. I just want to hold my baby and start that lifelong bond. To start a new life. To begin again as a family.  To explore a new love, a love that is said will last forever. To discover a new routine. To settle.

I am at the stage where I have began to slow down. Things I could previously do with ease are becoming more of a struggle by the day. Tying shoes, emptying the washing basket, simple household tasks, walking distances. I feel a fraud to complain about such minor things and how tired I feel. Daily tasks are becoming a chore and the tiredness is like nothing I have experienced before. I try to keep up with my lifestyle, to get the same exercise in, to rush around, buzzing about from morning through to night when I rest my head on the pillow. but my body is telling me to slow down. To relax, take a break (or ten). The strain is starting to creep up over me and I am left feeling a little useless.



At thirty weeks, I feel my body deflating and taking a hit.Overworked and definitely exhausted, I think it is finally time to start to chill out and take a back seat. To relax and to embrace relaxation, something I don’t really know how to do. I can’t even sit through a movie at home never mind chill out. I always have to be busy. Daily tasks will have to wait and rest should be welcomed. The hoovering CAN wait. Nothing bad will happen if I don’t do it for one day.

I must begin to prepare my mind for baby and gear up to become a parent. Nobody ever teaches you what you need to know about becoming a parent or how to prepare for such a life changing event. It’s no subject taught in school. How can I prepare? Does motherhood always come so naturally? Does that maternal instinct take over as soon as you set eyes upon your newborn? A child you have nourished and grown for the best part of a year.

  “A moment a child is born, a mother is born with them”

  Questions fill my mind at this stage about motherhood. There is little else I find myself thinking about to be quite frank. Becoming a new parent brings with it so much thoughts. So much anxiety, nerves and emotions. Will I be a good mother? Will I know what to do? Will my baby bond with me? My child grow to love and appreciate me as I will them?

Parenthood is stepping into the unknown. There are no manuals to prepare oneself for this with, every experience is different. No one person gives the same advice, the same tips. It can be overwhelming. There are masses of information for first time parents out there, so much material to wrap your head around. Where to begin? What information is legitimate?  What articles stand true to form? Can I relate my experience to that of anyone else when each pregnancy, each parent, each child is so different?

My emotions are at an all time high, ever changing through the day. Happy, sad, anxious, excited, scared. You name it, I’m feeling it. At such a prime time in life, with so much going on, I suppose it is understandable to feel this way. A mixed bag. Uncertain of what is to come. Of how to prepare. To step into the unknown is daunting yet thrilling. I don’t know if any amount of preparation will set me up for what is to come, for this life journey I am about to embark on. I don’t know if I will ever be able to prepare to become a mother until that moment I set my eyes on my baby and first hold my child.

I only hope that when my baby arrives and I can finally hold them. To hold onto that tiny hand, touch those tiny fingers and kiss their head, my maternal instinct will take over and somehow I will know what I have to do. Who I have to be and how I have to love. To protect. To nurture.  I hope that my maternal instinct will consume my mind, my body and in that moment, that first moment I hold my baby, my tiny human, I will know exactly what I am doing and everything will be OK. I will be OK.

I am ready for a love to last a lifetime and to feel in ways that I have never yet felt. To give and receive pure love and sheer happiness. The sort of happiness that they say only a child can bring. Only a parent can experience. I want to feel those feelings and experience such love.

To become a mother. A teacher. A leader. A friend.