Tag Archives: Grateful

Hey! I think I’m getting into this whole Motherhood thing.

Let’s get this straight, in honesty, I’ve always been into this Motherhood thing, from the night that I realised I was pregnant. I stopped smoking, stopped any alcohol consumption and lived on mounds of fruit, veg and vitamins. I very quickly took on the responsibility of parenthood and gave up what was no longer advised. Since becoming a Mother, I’ve shared my struggles and the darker days with you all. I won’t lie, it’s been tough.

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I wasn’t ready to become a Mother and had no intention to start a family any time soon, however, it happened and from the moment that I came to terms with this, my family has become my only priority. Now, I wouldn’t have a day go by without Eleanor by my side and its hard to remember a time when she wasn’t around. My little snugs, my ray of sunshine and my whole life. My baby has brought so much love and so much joy, I’d be lost without her.

The adaption from a family of two to three, the sleepless nights, the constant nursing, the balance.. If there is one? I’ve fought many battles in such a short time and I finally, nine months on can say I’m feeling content and happy. I’m at my most content since pregnancy, I can praise myself and recognise my strengths. My outlook and passion for life is looking up and life is good. Hurruah!

I’ve just a few weeks before my return to work, I’ll be going part time and working a three day week. This takes some anxiety off as I will still have days with my baby and can still treasure all those little moments. I have finally started to really enjoy my time off from work, I have a good routine going with my girl and we have the whole days planned out, it seems to work a treat and keeps everyone happy. Happy baby happy Mum, right?

It has taken nine months to establish any set routine, I’ve finally got it and I’m getting some time for myself back in a day. Of course that’s not what Motherhood is all about, it’s about time with baby, and raising a child, but If I get just half an hour to myself, a short break, I feel refreshed and relaxed, ready to be with my baby and give her my whole attention. I can be the best that I am and it feels good to be getting a little balance at long last.

Eleanor has dropped to around three feeds a day, as an EBF baby, I thought this would never happen, I believed she would breastfeed until she was into adulthood, it was testing and draining but now, I cherish those feeds daily as I know each feed is drawing closer to her last. There will come a time when she no longer feeds and that bond will be over, this upsets me but also empowers me.

I’ve fed my baby girl since birth all on my own, I’ve nourished and nurtured her, doing the best job that I can. Feeding day and night some days and without much time to care for myself. It has been a privilege and it will be an accomplishment that I will remain proud of for my life.I have had the time to reflect and realise that I’ve done the best that I can and that will always be good enough. Yes it was tough but you know what? It was great and I’d do it over and over. The exact same way.

I have began to relax and appreciate my way of mothering my child. I am now content with the decisions that I make daily and I feel as though I over come challenges as best as I can. I no longer get upset over things I can’t control and I no longer obsess over the mess. Fiona from across the street doesn’t care if the floors haven’t been steamed and nor I should. The mess can wait, my baby and family time cannot.

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I no longer feel the need to beat myself up about something that hasn’t gone as planned. Eleanor hasn’t ate much dinner, Eleanor has been in a wet nappy for too long, missed her bath, Eleanor has skipped a nap.. no longer bothers me. For now, I just make do with the daily cards I’m dealt and deal with it. Have I played enough today, read enough, danced enough?

Sure, I’ll always question if I have done enough or if I could have done better,i think all parents must. Has she had enough nutrition today? Have I fed her well enough? The questions always plague my mind and the insecurity will always creep in. My abilities are questioned daily, but I’m the only one that is questioning myself. I put the pressure on myself, something which I am working to ease off on. Something which I am beginning to ease off on. I’m becoming at peace.

I realise that in that moment, each day, I do the best I can. My best will always be good enough. I’ve beat myself up too much and made enemies with my mind, questioned my abilities for months. I’m taking control and will enjoy Motherhood and enjoy giving myself that pat on the back because you know what? I do good and it is okay to recognise and self appreciate from time to time.

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Motherhood is messy, it is Challenging and some days, some circumstances are out with control, I’ve figured that rather than dwell on what I can’t change, or get upset with circumstances outwith my control, I take it in stride and move on. For the most part at least. As long as my baby is happy and healthy, not much else matters on the grand scheme of things. I can sit down in an evening and enjoy that glass of wine, or that biscuit and know that I’ve done good and that my baby is happy. What else matters?

I feel relaxed about going back to work, it’s a necessity and I’m okay with that. Sure, if I could, I’d spend all my time with Eleanor and work from home, doing something creative and wholesome, however, I don’t have that luxury and I need to make some money so we can enjoy days off and trips out all the more.

I no longer punish myself for the bad days and I no longer sit inside waiting for a good day to come. I get up, get out and have the best day every day, something which I believe a positive mindset and care free outlook can and does make possible. To any new parent out there who feels alone, or who feels stuck in a bit of a daily rut I would say soak it all in and appreciate every single day for all that it is, just know you are the best you can be and if your baby if fed, dressed and loved, little else matters. It’s taken me nine months to realise this and relax but now that I have, I know there is nothing to worry about and no reason to cry. I’m going to enjoy knowing I work hard each day and I am going to enjoy a glass of wine this Tuesday evening as a thank you to myself, to my body.

Here is to being a parent, self appreciation and working bloody hard each and every day. My baby is happy and healthy, my heart is full and my family is my world. Thank you Motherhood for teaching me to be grateful, to be thankful, each and every day.

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Keren x

 

Parting with parenthood for the first an afternoon out as new parents.

I was lucky enough to enlist my mum as babysitter for one fine Saturday afternoon while myself and Euan headed off out for our first real date post baby. I’m going to share my day with you all because frankly it’s made me super happy and reinforced just how lucky I am.

Having to leave Eleanor is tough, especially because I’m rarely apart from her and having her still feed from me brings a bond that I can’t explain. Besides if I’m without her and unable to express, my boobs balloon in size and I turn into a walking watermelon. Not kidding.

However, it is crucial to catch a little alone time as a couple and to keep that spark alive. After all, a baby doesn’t mean that you should put your relationship on hold. It’s equally as a important to spend time with your partner as it is your baby. After nine weeks of baby duties, I was so ready to take a afternoon off.

Euan has a second job in a local store beginning next week, I guess our day off was to mark a celebration of many things. Becoming parents, an engagement and now a new job prospect.

Having Euan running two jobs and not being at home so often will be a struggle and I will miss him a lot. It will take some adapting to but at least I have Eleanor to keep me busy and occupy my mind. I’m sure the extra hours he will be gone will fly by with all the things I have to be doing. I’m so proud of Euan though, to work two jobs and give up free time so that we can get into a position that we want to be in and get to where we want to be in our life takes a lot of strength and motivation.

I’d love to be able to take on part time work during this period also but I’m legally not allowed to do so while being paid maternity pay from my own line of work. I do miss having the motivation that a job brings but saying that, I am enjoying my time at home and being able to do as I please for this period. Something I may never be able to do again and time I will never get back.

Anyway, back to my day out. Where was I? Ah, yes.. Now, the big event took a morning of getting ready. In between baby feeds and tears I somehow managed to get myself all dressed up and ready to roll by noon. This doesn’t happen very often. I usually make it as far as the shower and have to make do with wet hair and a bare face.

It took several outfit changes and my wardrobe sprawled over the bed, before I finally settled with a glitter body suit and mom jeans teamed with a leather beret and some pointed boots. A slap of red lipstick and my go to cat eyeliner, good to go. Finally. Gosh, getting out the door is a challenge with a newborn isn’t it?

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It’s all too easy to let your relationship take a back seat and fall off track with the lifestyle that a newborn brings. You fight yourself some days never mind your relationship. We decided to book a day off for ourselves away from parenthood and get out for some fun and binding.

First up was a stop at Costa to grab a coffee and a wee gingerbread man for a little snack before lunch. After a waxing appointment around mid afternoon we headed off to wagamamas for some lunch and an afternoon tipple. Not something we have been able to do for a very long time! At least not just the two of us. I went with duck donbrui which is my absolute favourite from the menu and a red wine, only a small. Euan had pad thai and a beer to top it off.

How nice is it to get out and be waited on? To chat over a yummy meal and take it in the atmosphere. It’s been a long while since we last went for a meal and get quality time in, I definitely didn’t take it for granted. We saved dessert for the cinema!

Sure we make it out for a quick coffee on the odd afternoon but that’s all it ever is and all that Eleanor will allow for. Today was an exception and I’ve loved every single minute of the freedom all while missing my baby but she was in safe hands and kept well entertained by the grandparents.

We have got a little carried away with the good spirits and even began to plan out wedding, or wedding ceremony. We don’t want to have a wedding, more a very small gathering without the fuss and the big white dress. I don’t like weddings and never have but I’ll save the wedding chat for a different post!

After our meal we headed to the cinema to see Thor. We are both big cinema fans and haven’t been able to catch any new movies since I was pregnant. We last saw logan lucky back in August before Eleanor arrived. It was nice to get back out into the cinema and take in the whole atmosphere. Don’t you just love the smell of popcorn as you enter the venue?

Making the most of our day off obviously I had to get a cinema snack. Ice cream trips to the cinema were frequented up to three times a week when I was pregnant, I’ve really missed getting out to sit back and relax with a scoop of delicious ice cream. I went with orange you scared. The Halloween special (a little late with the Halloween game but you know). A chocolate orange flavour ice cream which was so delicious and rich that I couldn’t even finish the scoop. I had to give on to defeat and pass it off to Euan. Euan always opts for a mixed popcorn and I always end up stealing some off him. This trip was no exception.

Thor was really good, I’d recommend any cinema fan to go take the trip to see it. Especially of you have previously seen the avengers! There was lots of jokes throughout and laughing all round. Just what we needed.

After the cinema we decided to head to the craftsman club for a little tipple before heading back home. Euan went with a rum and ginger, a favourite of ours and I went all out with an espresso martini. Something that I have previously tried and hated but thought I’d give the benefit of the doubt. I can’t say I’d rush to have another but it certainly packed a punch and give a wee energy boost at the same time – gearing me up for the cold walk home. I do love a walk on a dark and crisp winter night. It’s just so fresh!

On the walk back home we stopped in past paperchase at a union square and picked up a planner. No more excuses or holding back. It’s time to officially get some ideas jotted down, draw up a budget plan and begin the wedding planning. As previously stated, we won’t be having much of a wedding or a reception for that matter. I’m after a much more intimate surrounding with a low budget. Hell, I don’t even want the white wedding dress or the aisle to walk down. I want no fuss. Simple and elegant.

It’s so much more important to me to have a wedding day with few close ones, a small reception affair with a meal in a nice restaurant afterwards than it is to walk down the aisle in a Castle and have a reception with the classic three course meal and wedding favours you see time and time again. To me, weddings are most of all the same.

Like I said, I’ll save the wedding post for now until we get some plans set in stone.

All in all, it’s been such a fantastic day out and it has made me really appreciate all that I have and who I have in my life. I don’t think I’ll take days out and child free for granted. I missed my snug and am so glad to be back home with her having a cuddle but man, it’s so nice to just take an afternoon off and be yourself. Be yourself with your partner and not he in parent mode.

Of course our wee Eleanor ran through our minds like crazy and there will never be a day that parent mode is fully off ever again but the time away to be ourselves and do the things we love to do has been so refreshing and rewarding. I’ve come back home feeling more in love than ever.

I hope that you are all having a great weekend. Lots of love.