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Babies first… Mother’s Day weekend.

Can you believe the time of year already? I am shocked at how rapidly time is passing with this new year, as we enter those Spring months. I haven’t seen much of Spring yet, though.

Snow, rain, sleet, wind..yep..the Beast from the East got that lot covered but no hints of Spring which is a little disappointing. Here is hoping that the flowers begin to bloom and everything starts to become a little brighter. I’m so ready to be over with the Winter, to pack away the heavy duty clothing and to see the World come to life once more. I’m ready to regain the spring in my step and to watch the lambs bound around the fields nearby.


March marks the month of Mother’s Day, an occasion that is celebrated all around the World and for good reason. March brings with it my little Sisters birthday, Females all around celebrate International Women’s day. but most importantly, March also brings to us Mothers, Mothers day. May we celebrate the women in our lives, praise our Mother’s and feel a sense of pride as we Mother our own young. March is the month of girl power, for sure. An incredible month for celebrating strong women all around.

This year round, I had the privilege to celebrate my first Mothering Sunday which I will share the details of with you. My little bebe is now six months old and in her short time with us, I’ve never felt happier. Eleanor was meant to be mine and brings with her a daring amount of responsibility. She is a privelige to Mother no matter how tough some days can be.


My journey into Motherhood has not been easy, I’ll never deny just how tough I’ve found this time. I had a difficult labour, the cluster feeding left me feeling drained, we’ve had the crushing effects of colic and reflux, a needy baby who wants to be held and will not sleep alone or even be left in the care of anyone other than myself without a drama. I battle with a feisty, breast fed baby every day who refuses a bottle point blank and screams each time I put her down or into her stroller. I can’t get a out alone often as it’s not worth the battle or the cries that do not end, it beings too much stress.

I have to go to bed at 10pm each night wether I like it or not. I cannot watch any movies or cuddle up with Euan, I have to lay in bed awake and nurse Eleanor to sleep. I could stay up, but she will scream, it doesn’t stop. Don’t even mention control crying, we have tried and I can assure you, there is nothing controlled about it.


My little Eleanor, my Snugs, is full of personality, full of strength, full of temper, charisma and might. Each day with her, I learn more about myself than I could ever imagine. My baby girl has taught me true love, she’s taught me patience, she’s taught me a sense of compassion and flexibility. She’s taught me how strong I can be and how amazing the human body is. Not only do I teach her, but she teaches me.

I couldn’t be more honoured or grateful to be Mother to such a strong willed little girl. It is an exceptional privilege to hold her, to nurse her, to love her and to see the love and the pureness in her eyes as she looks at me. I only wish I could see the world through her eyes.

To watch her grow will be a whole new level of amazement and I’m sure there will be many challenges to come. After six months of playing Mum, I am now confident within my Patenting abilities (to an extent) and I know that as a family we can over come any challenge together and move forward through each stage.

It’s been a busy weekend celebrating and I can finally catch a break to have a coffee and write a post. On Saturday, I headed out with the females of the family for an afternoon tea to ring in my sister’s birthday. Saturday was pouring of rain and cold, I was dropped off by Euan and I met with my Mum, Sister, Aunt and Cousin at the City centre and we then headed off to the chosen venue for our tea and a catch up. Euan went to the cinema as he waited for us to finish and got us back home after. Eleanor was with me also, though sleeping in her stroller.. this didn’t last ten minutes once we got to our seats.

We went to the Carmelite.. our Wedding reception venue, only I didn’t make the call to go here, it was my Sister’s choice. The hotel was busy with parties of Women and families, I assume celebrating Mother’s Day. The table we were placed at was rounded and made for easy communication. The tea/coffee was served promptly and we all dined on a variety of sandwiches, cakes and scones. Lush.

I had a veggie option and had tomato sandwiches, a small mug of soup and snacked on the sweet treats. The variety on display was great and we all had plenty to choose from. My Sister had a great time and that was the main thing, it was her day after all. Eleanor was a grouch, mot untypical of her right now with an ear infection and teething. Nothing would settle her when she became feisty and tired, not even a feed. I had to call it quits and leave a little early.

Though most of my time was spent trying to entertain Eleanor and stressing over her cries, I still had a lovely time and it was good to catch up in a setting away from home.Besides, I am a sucker for an afternoon tea.If you haven’t already guessed, coffee and cake is my kryptonite.

Come Sunday, I woke in a great mood next to my two best friends in the World. Happy Mothers day to me! We had morning cuddles and took it easy before heading out for a latte to kick start the day. The sun was shining so we grabbed our dog Fern too who happily obliged to come along for the walk. I do love a slow paced morning where there is no rush and no plans to commit too. Just me and my family against the World.

We got back from the trip and spent the afternoon doing chores while working through a Wedding song playlist which we have created for the day. We will have no DJ or live band but can play music from our own device freely. With the wedding just months away, we decided to get going and create the playlist to have ready and adapt if necessary.


Late afternoon, we headed  to Tesco to grab flowers before going up to my Mum’s house for a second birthday tea. Only, I left empty handed as the shelves were stripped of any flowers. There was nothing left, it’s a good job that I had already gifted my Mum with a print or she may have been saddened by this outcome. At Mums we had a full table of snacks and goodies, Mum always goes all out on a Birthday, no matter what age,

This time there was a huge cake for the taking. Homemade carrot cake? Don’t mind if I do!! We all tucked in to juice, snacks, pizza, egg rolls.. you name it. I’ve definitely gained the lbs this weekend. Thank god for breastfeeding and the magic calories it burns, otherwise I’d not be able to maintain a slim frame. Eleanor played in her bouncer that was set up and was happy to be passed around for cuddles..until she became grizzly and wanted nothing more than milk..typical. My Grandad had a hold of her and she burst into tears! Drama Queen.


Heading home we left with a full tummy, a full heart and an even fuller bag of goodies that was packed up for us, courtesy of Mum (a serial feeder). I always love to spend time at Mum’s with my Brothers and Sister, it brings a sense of nostalgia and I always feel at home, it is as though I had never left. It is comforting for me to be back in my comfort zone and childhood hang out, only in very different circumstances. I love to see my Family with Eleanor and interacting with her as she grows, the more that I age and grow, the more precious I believe family to be.

Back home, we created the last of our playlist and had a brief listen before I went off to bed with my baby for a big sleep. A weekend well spent brings a week of content. I have had a superb, family packed weekend where I was certainly not shy of love. A truly great first Mothers Day and I look forward to many more years just like this, if not better.


Keren x


Travel essentials with a baby.

Time is passing super fast right now, the weeks all merge into one. With our holiday to Cyprus just one short month away, I’ve began to list some of the essentials that I will be taking in the suitcase for Eleanor.

I’m a little anxious to travel with her as she is just so young but I’ve heard travelling with a baby, is easier than a child at times. Throw colic and a fussy baby into that mix, I’m not so sure. Yes, at six months we are still having spells of colic. Usually from 9pm through to 11pm. Better than previous but still it exists and taunts us. Any chance of movie nights or snuggles are pretty darn slim.

Anyway, as I have said,  this will be our first family holiday and trip with a baby in tow. I was due to fly out to Malaysia last April when pregnant but was advised against this by health professionals for risk of contracting the Zika virus. Safe to say that I took the advice given and stayed put at home while Euan went out to spend time with his Father.


Of course I’m anxious about travelling with my baby and keeping her safe in an environment that is somewhat out of my control, but I am also so very excited to make some memories to remember and to ring in my partner, Euans 30th birthday. A special trip and a special occasion, one that I’m sure will stay with us for a long time. I’m all for making lasting memories and documenting each part of family life, the good, the bad and every moment in between.

It’s so important for me to be in a loving family environment and to be able to capture that in the moment and for looking back on with happiness. Becoming a Mother has really made me appreciate family and think more of others at all times than I do myself. I am trying to be better every day and grow to be kinder and more openly warming.

You could say I was used to having my own way, now I have to put Eleanor and Euan first and will always take care of them before I do myself. It’s a privilege to have my own family to care for in my own way and to grow with. Through the years I’m sure our bond will flourish and as a family we will be a strong and loving, support unit to each other. Building ourselves and our Daughter up and setting our sights on better.

This trip marks a milestone and also is a little wave goodbye to my maternity leave that is coming to an end. We are certain we want to make the most of this trip and have the best time together, time as a family will be tough to come by when I’m back to work, Eleanor is at day care each day is full on making family time hard to juggle.

I’ve been doing research online and sourcing information for travel with a baby. I’ve been reading what others advise, stories from parents and scrolling through lists designed for baby travel. From doing some light reading, I’ve come up with my own travel kit with baby which I will list below.

If you feel there is anything that I have missed that may be critical please add a comment. I need all the help and advice that I can get on this, as it is all very new to myself. I’m over organising for good reason, I want to be prepared fully for our trip and have everything and anything we could and will need. This will make for a smoother running holiday (or at least, I hope so) and more time to spend enjoying a break in the sun. Don’t worry, I’ve a good sun hat all ready to go and sun screen will be slathered on all through the day. With a baby, you can’t take no risks.

First up, I will share a travel guide for the journey. We have got a little back pack for our Eleanor to store the essentials she will need while making the journey. This will be so handy as al of her snacks, medication and change of clothes etc will be secure in one place and we won’t have to go digging around our own hand luggage to try grab what we need as we battle with little space.

Eleanor’s travel backpack:

– nappies, sudocrem, nappy sacks, hand sanitiser (for parents)

– water wipes

– medication required and calpol/teething powder and saline spray. A thermometer to monitor any change in temperature.

– comfort taggie blanket (very small) and teether

– muslin cloths and selection of bibs

– food pots, spoons, sip cup and food pouches. Varied snacks – I’m thinking rusks. Messy but effective.

– change of clothes


Now, for the suitcase I will list the added essentials which we will be bringing with us. Please remember, this list is just for Eleanor and I am new to this so I may have missed something out. Please share if you feel there is anything that will make the journey and trip a little easier.

– Mamas and Papa’s sun protection stroller with visor

– selection of clothing lightweight and durable, Pram shoes/sandals.

– beach towel and swim nappies

– bathing and wash supplies. Wash cloth and soap.Eleanor has sensitive skin so many wash supplies can bring her out in a rash or spots. I’ve just packed a simple multi use Johnston baby wash.

– toothbrush and paste

– pyjamas which are lightweight, sleep bag.

– various food supplies. Cutlery set.

– water sterilisation tablets for cleaning up etc.

– nappies and wipes, change mat, cotton wool. All the essentials for changing nappies..

– swim costume, swim all in one and a floating device for use in the pool.

– sun hat and sun screen suitable for babies SPF50+

** As I am breastfeeding I don’t require to take any formula or bottles, breast pump etc. Eleanor is EBF mostly and has around three meal times a day with snacking when necessary. Most of her nutrition is from her milk right now. I’ll be taking Muslin cloths a plenty and a breastfeeding scarf to remain covered up when feeds are necessary out in public.

The hotel is a family hotel and all supplies should be at hand if we feel we need anything extra or have missed something out. High chairs, cots etc are all provided and I’m sure we will be well looked after following the reviews.

I think that I’ve covered all bases and spent a small fortune at the same time. Travelling light with a baby is out of the question and I the best option for myself  is to be organised in this scenario. I’ll begin to pack next week and check before we depart that I have absolutely everything I need. Think I’ve missed something on the list? Let me know!

Keren x




Babies first..trip to A&E.

I noticed as I woke a little dried blood on the bed sheet, this had come from Eleanor’s ear which has also specks of blood dried up. Worried by this, I cleaned her up and kept my eye for any odd behaviour and warning signs of infections.

Eleanor has lately grown an obsession with tugging and piking at her ears, more noticeably when she is tired or having trouble with her teeth. I think she uses this as a comforting mechanism. I figured that in her sleep she must have caught herself and given a good scratch with her nails leaving a little damage behind. I wasn’t aware there was an ear infection brewing, and rapidly.

At lunch time, Euan came home for lunch as usual and was having his cuddle with Eleanor before heading back out when he passed comment that her ear was smelly and raw looking. Upon inspection, I began to panic that there was something serious under lying and that a minor irritation wasn’t just the issue. How I hadn’t noticed, I in the few hours from waking to lunch, I don’t know. Eleanor’s ear was raw red, pussy and definitely infected. There no mistaken the smell of an infection.

I called the doctor and got an appointment for the following afternoon and was advised to clear up her ear with sterile salt water regularly. Happy with this advice, I done so and I done so as best as I could. As best as I could with a wriggly six month old anyway. I was happy that this was going to settle this issue and ease of discomfort until the following day, however come 8PM after a wee trip out, her ear was progressively worse and smelling very angry, looking very unhappy.

Poor baby was having trouble, you could tell she wasn’t feeling right, irritable, crying for what seemed to reason and refusing food. We decided to take further action and call the late night doctor, got booked in and headed off soon after to the emergency department. Upon arrival, we were told to head to the fracture clinic..now,a young couple with a crying baby heading to the fracture clinic, passing a room full of waiting patients never looks good, does it?

I actually felt as though our every moved was being scrutinised by unaware individuals as we passed. Needless to say, I kept my head down. Low profile and all that. The wait wasn’t too long and Eleanor sat on our knees and had a wee play, good as gold really. You wouldn’t have thought it by the cries coming from her in the car but she surpassed expectations.

The doctor had a check of all her crucial stats and inspected her ears. Low and behold, an ear Infection.. Perhaps a burst ear drum but too hard to know with being unable to see far down the canal and Eleanor being so small. We were given a dose of amxocillin for a course of six days to clear up the infection and advised to see the Gp after this time for a check over to get the all clear. With this being her ears, I’d not like to risk lasting damage and will call first thing tomorrow to arrange for a check up. My poor baby.

It seems to be one thing after another for her right now and with being so tiny, so helpless, I really feel all of her pain only I wish I could take it away and have her as comfortable as possible at all times. Teething, colds, coughs, rashes with sensitive skin, ear aches…you name it. Man, I never thought a baby could suffer from so much in one spell. I was made aware that breastfeeding would help to eliminate colds/coughs etc and aid the immune system for both Mum and baby but this is not the case with us. We seem to pass back and forth colds and all sorts. I just wish for my baby to get a break!

It breaks my heart to see her so unhappy and unwell. It truly is the most horrible thing to see someone you love so deeply in pain and distress. Thigh she takes it like a trooper and still smiles throughout the tears, it just makes me so upset. I only wish for her a speedy recovery and hopefully some lasting relief, a break from all of the growing pains, the teething, the colds. You name it.

Motherhood really is more than just nursing a sleeping baby and changing nappies. Each day is so complex and different from the next, you dint know what is around the corner and babies moods can change in an instant. As Eleanor grows, I find there is so many complications that growth brings. The spurts, the sleep regression, teething, general unwellness, issues with sensitivity, all things that you do not really prepare for or fully expect when you bring home your newborn on those first days. It’s not all black and white as I am learning and Motherhood is challenging, it is testing and it is powerful.

I’ve never known a love like this and the want for a better life for this little lady. Here’s to a fast recovery, I’m off to sneak her some cuddles as she rests before hitting the hay myself. I’m sure I won’t sleep for worry and checking on her but I’ll give it a try. Tomorrow is a new day and with that I’m hopeful it can be a better day and I will see my baby happy once again.

What was your first experience with a trip to accident and emergency with your babe? Has anyone had trouble with ear infections in children?

Goodnight, Keren.

Out with old…

and in with the new, or so the saying goes. Tonight,  I done a real adult thing which I’m quite excited by and want to share with you bunch. I have bought my first Apple Mac book! Hurrah.

Perhaps a small achievement for some of you, and not all too big if a deal. but for me, this has been on the wish list for a long time only it was never something I could justify spending on. I had no use for a laptop, not a half decent one anyway. Now, with my blog and spending more time online than I do going out, I thought it was high time for a splurge.

I know, I’m a little late to this game. About a decade or so late to be precise but better late than never right? I’ve got on that Apple bandwagon and branched out with the aim to spend more time with my blogging and social media interaction. I’d like to create my own wee personal profile of family life and decided to have all my images and files stored efficiently and effectively in one secure place, a laptop.

I’ve found some sort of inner voice as of late, one that comes out through my writing and I have found that actually, I have quite a lot to share and say. With being a new Mother and starting family life, I have more to speak about than ever and I am always scrolling online for ideas, tips, advice. With the use of my blog and writing, I’ve found it quite easy to access plenty of helpful material and gain a lot of insight to Parenting and dealing with life post partum.

I mean, not only now am I tending to a baby, I am trying to piece myself back together and find happiness from within. I am trying to learn to be healthy again and to be stronger each day. I want to show my Daughter that happiness comes from within and I want her to be able to love herself in ways that I have not yet been able to love myself.

I’m trying, and I find chatting online with other Mum’s and hearing/reading stories of others parenting journey and post partum  recovery really pushes myself through and gives me the motivation I need to continue to work on a positive body image. Blogging has really helped with opening up and reaching ort. Through my blog, I don’t feel so alone and there is always someone reading who can relate.

I can now blog on the go, hold my images close and have a wee device, a little space of my own. I woke up this morning sick of my old Acer that takes about three hours to do updates (really?!) and shuts down as I try to work on it. I decided on a whim that enough was enough, time to grow up and branch out. At a price yes, but with my blog becoming more of a secure hobby –  the only hobby I have stuck with since dabbling with a range of hobbies from childhood, I thought I’d treat myself to something that will last.

A secure device to hold lasting memories and I’m quite excited to get started, work on my blog as much as I can and explore other means and forms of social media. I think I’d like to build a social following online and make friends with more of you, interact and learn. It is 2018 after all and I can’t shy away from life and every day goings on forever.

A new laptop is something which I am quite proud of, I’ve only ever owned big standard, poor quality devices and have actually more recently been relying on my mobile to create my blog space and use the internet. To have a Mac will be so great and really bring me to push my limits and self motivate. I can bring this with me on the go as it is so lightweight and blog/note down ideas as I get around each day.

My plan is to venture into vlogging eventually, or at least give it my best shot. I’m not very good on camera though and I tend to shy away, something I’ll need to work on. I have traded in my old laptop and got a healthy gift card from PC World for doing so, I plan to save a little to add to this sum and purchase a go pro which will help with the transition from blogging to vlogging and really create a blog kit that I can make good content with and be proud of.

I am keen to edit videos and have my own home videos of family days out, holidays and just general family life. As Eleanor grows, my focus is on her more and more, I want to capture all of the moments of her early years and create home videos to look back on with great memories come years. Who knows how this will go but I have a plan and I am working forward to make my visions come to life.

Watch this space and keep your eyes peeled for new blogs. I like to be quite active with my blog, it tends to be a good way for myself to let go and take a break from the crazy day to day life. Has anyone got experience with a go pro or can recommend any other video cameras to capture and create content? Any advice would be welcome, I’m just starting out and though I have my own ideas, it’s always nice to get fresh opinions from others.


Keren x

An insomniacs finest hour: The battle for sleep.

No, this title is not the next follow on to a Hollywood blockbuster, it’s my current fight each night, and I’m not on the winning team. Insomnia, it can and will, drive you insane.

I’ve been thinking as I lay awake about what to share with you bunch next. I want to expose myself to others and open up through my writing. I’m not good at public speaking or even chatting aloud to strangers and so I find it much easier to interact and socialise with others through the use of my writing and online sharing.

Let’s talk insomnia,shall we? I haven’t really ventured into sharing with you the lack of sleep that I face each night lately. It’s 11.19PM and once again, I can’t seem to get to sleep. To make use of the passing time, I thought I could post a short blog. My mind seems to be in over drive lately and I’m suffering with a spell of insomnia, deprived of any chance of a good nights sleep.

I can only describe this as gruelling, it’s horrible. I go to bed at 10 PM each night and I see every hour or there about. It’s not through choice, believe me, I try to sleep. My body fights to get to sleep but the more I fight, the more alert and awake I become.

I lay awake each night, tossing, turning, thinking. I think a little, I think a lot, sometimes I don’t even think, I just lay as still as can be in the hope that sleep comes. It never does and I’m lucky to catch a solid three hours. I get by during the day but my mind is elsewhere, a place that I don’t seem to recognise and a place I can’t quite comprehend or put into words.

I’m unsure wether the insomnia is due to the fact that  my anxiety seems to be at an all time high. I struggle very much lately with the increasing demands of a baby and keeping on top of the daily grind. From trying to complete one task to the next all while tending to a baby and ensuring that I spend enough time each day to interact and play with her can be challenging.

If I dare spend too much time on the house work or catching up with online reading for my own career, making the dinners etc, I fear that I’ve not given Eleanor as much of my attention as she deserves and the Mum guilt kicks in. It creeps up and I feel terrible if I notably leave her alone for any time period. I must add, just in case any of you wonder, I always leave her secure and safe, wether it be strapped into her baby bouncer or on her play mat away from anything that she may get her hands on and could cause harm and she is never left for over ten minutes without being checked on.

However, no matter how little or how long I leave her for some alone time, I feel bad. Eleanor is my baby and it should be my responsibility to be with her and teach her every step of the day. Or at least that’s what my mind tells me, being a Mother really is a full time job. Lot’s of love to all of you parents out there doing your best. I’m beginning to wonder who depends on who, it seems where Eleanor is fine to be left alone and rather happy to be so, I can’t seem to deal with being apart from her.. ONE ROOM APART. God damn that Mum guilt.

My mind is in over drive, I have a lot going on, with a holiday next month I seem to be planning and thinking about this a lot. It is always at a bed time that my mind begins to start springing out ideas and organising. It’s 11.33PM now and I’m thinking about holiday outfits, what to pack, what shoes I should bring, how much shoes I need to bring? (for one week). Can I bring Dr Martens to Cyrpus?

Surely such thoughts can be put on hold until the morning when I wake rather than torment me as I try to drift of and catch even just a solid hour. Give me a break. Heaven knows I need one right about now. This sleep issue can be harrowing and I often feel alone, me against the world as I lay awake in silence through the early hours.

I often wonder, is the insomnia part of the post partum finest? Hell, I’ve already got the whole Mum pouch, the hair loss, the breastfeeding sweats, the body aches and pains. I’m sure the insomnia is just another perk of Motherhood? Have any other Mum’s out there suffered with insomnia post baby?

I find that with the mix of anxiety, the whole rush of Motherhood and busy days.. busy weeks, months, can lead to my mind setting itself in over drive. A place quite tough to crawl back from.  I’m going crazy trying to stay on top of the whole balance of Family life. I am trying to plan a holiday, plan my Wedding day, stressing about my return to work after my leave, trying to spend as much time as I can with my family yet keep on top of all the daily activities and chores. I can’t do it all but I feel like I am expected to right now. My baby needs me and I don’t like to put her second. Ever.

Everyone wants more and more from me and I don’t have the ability to meet all of the demands I’m faced with daily and try to get some time for myself too. I mean, at least it feels like everyone wants, however, this is just what my mind feeds me. Nobody expects anything from me in reality and the only challenge that I face is dealing with the balance and fighting the fact that I am not Superwoman and I can’t do it all. At least not on my own.

Since having Eleanor, I don’t think I’ve had as much as six hours sleep, never mind alone time. I’ve been out with Euan on cinema trips away from Eleanor and Motherhood duties for no more than four hours at a time. I crave some alone time yet when I have it, it doesn’t feel right and I feel like I should be with my family rather than taking time out for a break. I chose to become a Mother after all, I don’t really have the audacity to request a break. Do I?

I must add, I am now six months post partum and I believe I feel and look worse than I did at two weeks after giving birth. Motherhood is not glamorous, I am tired, I live in the same over washed joggers and knitted jumper, I over heat, I break out in spells on acne, my hair is so thin it’s falling out all around me and my body has unexplained aches and pains every single day. My knees burn, my back hurts, my body doesn’t actually feel like it belongs to me. I don’t feel as though I am in my own skin, yet I seem to not remember myself in any other form.

As if I didn’t need more on my plate to content with, throw insomnia and a six month old teething into the mix and you have one twenty five year old ready for the grave. It’s tough, and it can be very testing. Some days all I want to do is lock myself away and take a nap, but then I remember that I am not fifteen anymore, I have a child and I hold a great deal of responsibility.

11.41PM, I have rapidly swapped the thought process from holiday packing to self esteem. See what I me, my mind races, it’s in over drive and at the worst as I try to sleep. My mind is now working to be little what self esteem I have left right now, I tell myself I am too skinny and have to gain weight as I’m stare at my frail legs and being knees. I wonder about my hair and hope that it won’t begin to fall out in clumps, I can’t take losing much more and now I feel sad that I cut my locks so short, I long for a full and shiny mane once more. The more tired I become, the more I notice myself to criticize and note my every flaw.

I just want sleep to come, it doesn’t and I know long after I stop with this post, I will still be laying here in silence. So here I find myself ask for advice for sleeping aids, have any of you had sleep issues that can recommend some products or routine to help?

I have tried hot showers and face masks, tried no caffeine past six, I would read or play music but it only stimulates my mind further and brings provoking thoughts.

I don’t do well with yoga but I have tried the whole yoga breathing, th counting of sheep classics  to help ease my mind before drifting off, only this can bring me to more thinking, my mind just wonders. There is little I can do with Eleanor in the bed so, I am working to get her into her own bed only teething seems to be a bit of a big issue right now and comfort feeding next to me is all that will settle her tears.

I’m afraid to take any sleep aids as with Eleanor next to me, I would be too concerned for her safety and never forgive myself if I fell Into a deep sleep and rolled onto her or any sort of freak accident were to occur. Are there any herbal remedies that can aid sleep? I am planning to try with the lavender and get some sleep scent spray for the room after doing some research.

Please feel free to add your comments, recommendations, requests. I’m happy to receive any tips and feedback. In fact, it is nice to hear from others from time to time, it’s not often that I venture out of my comfort zone and chat with strangers. A mixture of an introverted personality and what can be over bearing, I want to crawl under a rock type anxiety.

Better get back to trying to sleep and laying patiently awake, dwelling into the thoughts in my mind. Goodnight all, thanks for reading.




Things that go bump in the night.

I’d always said that my baby would never fall out the bed and how crazy that even just the thought of it was. That was until early Sunday morning, we woke with a crash, bang and cries from Eleanor who was wedged down the side of the bed.

Yep, you read that correct. Our first accident, not the last I am sure but scary nonetheless. You can bet that I grabbed her as fast as I could, filled with worry that she would be real hurt. I didn’t want to look, didn’t want to see her hurting. Thankfully it was all good and just a fright for each of us.

With babies, everything happens so fast. One second they are sleeping peacefully next to you, the next, they have made their way to the bedroom floor. With an almighty thud.

At near six months on, we are still co sleeping and though this was never a safety issue previously, I am now beginning to rethink our sleeping arrangements. I don’t think my heart could take the blame of a second tumble. I know accidents happen and there will be plenty of bumps and skinned knees to come but I’m not ready for that yet. My baby is so little, to see her hurts brings a great deal of upset.

It is not through choice that it was chosen to co sleep, it was more by Eleanor’s demands and need for constant attention that we came to make the decision to co sleep. We done the research, knew the pros, the cons and accepted the risks. Now, as Eleanor is a little more…a lot more mobile, the risks have increased and I know that it is time to get her into her own cot and into better sleeping habits.

Where I’m sure this can bring nothing but benefits and the security of knowing that she is safe from any potential risks and falls, I know it will be a struggle for some time. Eleanor is so attached to myself and can’t bear to be put down or away from my prescence, if left at all, she cries uncontrollably which breaks my heart.


We share a bedroom right now with being in a one bed flat, a situation I am aware is not ideal and working to change. This has the benefit that Eleanor is still close and can seek comfort from being next to us in her cot. We can always keep a close eye and watch over her. However, it also comes with the downside that we are perhaps too close for comfort which brings her to not settle without being next to us.

I’m not weak by no means and have tried the whole self settling scenario, Eleanor does not give in or self soothe,her cries only grow louder. I am not against tough love but there are limits, for example, to allow her to reach the stage of painful cries and shaking with upset, I find cruel. We have tried, it just doesn’t work with us.

I am ready to begin to explore options and try to work with her to bring a sense of independence and get her into her own bed with confidence. We have a bed time routine in place with dinner followed by a cosy bubble bath and milk top up, but we don’t get to the whole bed stage, defeats the purpose. Eleanor falls asleep into my arms, any attempts to move her brings a mass panic and chaos.


Just to report, though we had a scare and a whole lot of Mum guilt to follow, Eleanor is absolutley fine after her fall. Eleanor has been such a trooper, you wouldn’t have known she was hurt at all. We spent the day with a lazy morning, followed by a forest walk, naps and an afternoon of play and cuddles. I kept her close and gave her lots of love.

A close call which has given the push to find a new bed time system and a lesson learnt. I’m so thankful that having checked her over and kept her close for the day, she is perfectly well. My little wriggler is set for a lifetime of adventure and certified to cause me a heart attack any given day.

It is scary how anything with a baby can escalate so quickly, I need a second set of hands and eyes on the back of my head.

Does anyone have any tips for getting a baby to sleep in their own environment? I feel like I am running out of ideas and patience. Especially now after a mishap, I am more keen than ever to make progress and put an end to the co sleeping.



Learning to be thankful and lead a minimal lifestyle.

I will be the first to admit that I’m very used to getting my own way and getting the things I want. A lifestyle that tough to maintain and keep track of online orders. Lately, with a whole new family life, a rather large wage cut and a whole lot to pay out for, (ahem, adult life) it has made me start to change my ways, my habits and begin to live as quite the minimalist. A change of tune you could say.

I was never privelaged by no means. However, growing up, I was always provided for and gifted treats and shopping days. Nothing lavish, but enough to keep a gal satisfied. I had a whole lot more than some but always wanted more. When I turned 16 and began to work, I made my own money and got used to having little ties, a monthly income and weekly treats.

My shopping habits increased from odd treats here and there to weekly packages from Topshop. I didn’t care, I had no concept of adult life, bills, the cost of living etc. I took much for granted and lived reckless. Nights out, consuming too much alcohol, shopping sprees, cigarettes. You name it.

I dread to think of what i could have saved had I been more aware of the daily cost to survive in this climate and been less greedy. It was all too easy and made for temporary bouts of happiness. There is nothing that a new pair of shoes can’t fix, right?

Wrong. Since moving from home and beginning my own chapter in life, I have come to realise that the shoes in my closet don’t Infact bring any element of happiness. If anything, they are a danger hazard as they collapse from the wardrobe on a daily basis.

I suppose what I am getting at, is that I now realise how foolish I was to have such ludicrous spending sprees. No material will find you happiness, something I have soon discovered. Happiness comes from the heart, feeling good and a sense of well being. I’m trying to be more grateful of what I have, than cry over what i don’t have. I still have the ability to buy treats but I don’t necessarily have a need for treats any more. A blue sky and a dose of fresh air can provide so much more thought provoking feelings than any material item may bring.


Treats are my family: My baby girl, my fiance. The life we build together surrounds me with hope and joy. Five years from now, I don’t know where we will be, I know we will have to work damned hard to get there and to live cautiously for some time in the process and I am OK with that…That is of course that I don’t fall victim to a shoe collapse and rot under a pile of black boots and Nike.

In all honesty, learning to be more frugal is a bit of a struggle. I am very used to having my own funds to spend freely. I have gone from daily shopping and trips to the store for some goodies to returning items to the shelf, making cuts where I can in weekly shops and letting online shopping baskets remain filled with items now “out of stock”

I miss the freedom of having no ties with money and having a lifestyle where I could get away with being a little lavish, treating others. Now, as a parent and a wife to be, there are more important parts of my life than shopping. Cutting past habits is tough and feeling the strain and the stress of money is tough.

Im working to find a better health and well being, a better balance and a stronger version of myself. So long as my baby is always provided for, my partner is happy, I shall be happy.

It is funny. Life really does change you when you become a parent. Everything is seem so differently. Worries grow, your mind works around the clock, you get by on a lack of sleep but most of all, your heart grows and you grow with it. My daughter has brought so much happiness and given so much purpose. I suddenly feel everything and every emotion.

I am most absolute in love, not just with Eleanor, but with Euan, with life. I am in love with our future plans,the idea of more babies, the thought of a new home, a new City. Life, there is so much on offer.


As a child, I would always wonder why my Mother would always treat my siblings and I but never dare splash out on herself, now that I am a Mother, my perspectives have changed and my motives of happiness differ, I can understand why my Mother never put herself first. She was a Mother and a child’s happiness is what brings  happiness all around.

Today, I feel thankful.